i just wanna soil my oats bro
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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