we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
