dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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