doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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