Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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