i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
