FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
