Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
FUCK WHALES
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
