billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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