She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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