He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
