Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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