If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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