you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
