Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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