just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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