I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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