I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
