oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
