so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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