We're like a lot better than the average bears
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
