this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
