can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
