the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
