Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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