I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Mom said you looked used
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
