I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Alive.
So much puke
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
