It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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