Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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