Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
