i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
