puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
