i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
