I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize