She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
