You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How does it feel to date your dad?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
