I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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