awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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