careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
