i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
