ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
