My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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