I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
