You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize