Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
