i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
