Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
