So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've blown a few things in my day
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
