youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Welp...herpes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
