The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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