I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
