You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize