just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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