standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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