its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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