Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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