hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
