so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
