dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
