my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
