just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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