I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
