Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
