OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
