I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
