I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
