At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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