My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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