direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
